Wednesday, December 17, 2008

rash

i haven't seen you for almost nine months, and when i think about it-
well, i don't think about it.
instead i think of six dollar thai food and
the perfect sidewalk kiss that tasted like chai tea.
when i wake from my reverie i find the lack of you exhausting.
i am drowning in - something - and you could save me, except
i don't know what i need saving from and the saddest part
is that you wouldn't.
i get this itch to write for you, to you
you are a mental mosquito bite
touching you only makes things worse
the next time i'm trying not to.
i need an anti itch: anti you.
but i can't resist, i'm making little X's in my mind:
every day i look for new words from you and every day
i am disappointed.
i have ritualized self-sabotage and now i almost can't
get through the day without it.
i keep forgetting: i can miss you and be ok
i keep forgetting: you are not what makes me happy anymore
you are a sun
burn
never knew how much you'd hurt until you no longer shone on me.

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