Wednesday, December 17, 2008

west fourth street

i walk down the wet, weary sidewalks of new york
cold creeps, uncovered skin cracking and clumsy
i hit campus and hunch unhaughty shoulders, hoping to heat my heart
i walk past twenty-somethings teetering on too-high heels and
smoking skinny cigarettes outside of silver center
i have a fierce, phenomenal feeling of frailty
girls get gingerbread lattes, guarding them like garrisons against gales
boys wear ray bans, running around reciting rhymes they heard on the radio
and i wonder
if this tenuous strenuous something we pretend to have
will disappear, dissolve, in defiance of my determination
i am reaching, writing, wronging you
wasting breath
burying the bereftness of being abandoned
i am afraid to falter into fortune and find
i don't know how i got there
new york never leaves me alone
it consistently insists that i should stop missing you
these streets are not sydney and i sense that i much stop
wishing they were

buildings break the blue into boxes
i let my lungs inhale the chilly air
and marvel at the maze i march through
you are not here and here is not there and that is hard
but i am making up my melancholy mind to move on
this is my way of saying the goodbye you will not admit you've already said.

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